As we begin to awaken, we see within us something opening
like a flower. We notice that something is displacing our image
of how things are. We discover we’re not so bent on always
knowing who we are. It’s the experience that seems to matter
most, the being, that we find of value. It seems as we let go of
possessing experience and just let experience unfold, the flower
opens more and more, the heart opens more and more. And we
somehow feel that everything will be all right that things are
working out just as they are supposed to. It’s painful sometimes,
it’s ecstatic sometimes; but somehow it’s always perfect. As we
penetrate deeper and deeper, it is evident that it is the clarity
of the seeing that nurtures our opening, while the object observed
We can’t imagine how we ever could have missed seeing the perfection
in the first place, or how we could ever lose it again. How could we
ever again be blind to the simple, easy, natural, perfect way things are?
Experience is simply experience itself. And if looking into that flower
we see a moment of greed or selfishness or fear, we see it within the
context of that perfection, within that clarity, and it’s like another petal
in the flower. We see that it’s all natural. Our selfishness doesn’t make
us feel separate. We see how naturally we’re selfish, but there’s no
self-condemnation. We see it as just how it is. Perfect. No need to be
separate because of it. Full of self-forgiveness, full of letting go, full of
understanding. It is there, but it’s not us. It’s just more stuff. There’s
room in us for all of it.
So at last we are becoming who we always wanted to be, free of much
of the guarded self-imagery and neediness that caused so much discomfort
in the past. But we see that even this “wonderful me” must be let go of.
The being we have become is still separate, though healthier. There’s still
that subtle “someone” experiencing it all and wanting to keep it opening.
There’s someone who hasn’t altogether merged, hasn’t disappeared; still
someone looking at the perfection of things. It’s then we realize that the
flower must die for the fruit to be born.
We recognize that the flower exists on just a subtler level of mind, and
that perfection, too, is a concept of how things are and can become a
subtle separation which allows for “someone” to watch the perfection
of it all. We see that we must let the flower be so it may fall away and
leave the fruit.
There is no description possible of the fruit because no matter how we try
to describe it, we’re still describing the flower. The fruit doesn’t exist in
mind, in language. Mind gives form to the flower, but clinging to form and
mind must be relinquished for the fruit to be revealed, for our original face
to come forth.
This fruit, fully ripened in beings like Christ and Buddha, has no seeds,
nothing to be reborn, no desires to create karma, no thirst for satisfaction.
This fruit does not perish, but remains as an offering for all who come after.
When we are confused or in pain, we often judge ourselves as
“not spiritual enough.” But the awakened heart does not judge
anything-not our family or our love, nor our pain and confusion,
our passion or anger. “Terrible harm has been done by this
misunderstanding,” said one Catholic monk.
In mature spirituality we are willing to have a dialogue
with pain, with evil, to hold them in our prayers. In
situations Of great pain, someone has to consciously
suffer the impact, to become the ground where the
sorrows can be held and reworked. These things can be
carried with grace. But it can’t be faked. If you go to
someone with 99 percent of goodwill and are still caught
in 1 percent anger, all they feel is the anger, and it pushes
them from reconciliation. The heart has to willingly hold the
whole of suffering for it to be transformed.
In Zen, holding the suffering sometimes takes the form of
“eating the blame.” It is illustrated by the story of a
cook who made soup for the monks from a turtle offered by
fishermen that morning. When the soup was ladled into the
monks’ bowls, the roshi bellowed for the cook to come out.
The turtle’s head, which should have been removed before
serving, was floating in the master’s bowl. The cook bowed
to the master, looked into the bowl, saw the problem, and
with a deft movement of chopsticks plucked the turtle head
out and ate it. Then he bowed to the master, the master
back, and the cook returned to the kitchen.
“We think that if we just meditated enough or jogged enough
or ate perfect food, everything would be perfect. But from
the point of view of someone who is awake, that’s death.
Seeking security or perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed
and whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of
death. It doesn’t have any fresh air. There’s no room for something
to come in and interrupt all that. We are killing the moment by
controlling our experience. Doing this is setting ourselves up for
failure, because sooner or later, we’re going to have an experience
we can’t control: our house is going to burn down, someone we love
is going to die, we’re going to find out we have cancer, a brick is
going to fall out of the sky and hit us on the head, somebody’s going
to spill tomato juice all over our white suit, or we’re going to arrive
at our favorite restaurant and discover that no one ordered produce
and seven hundred people are coming for lunch.
“The essence of life is that it’s challenging. Sometimes it is sweet,
and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes
it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you
feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie
up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it
involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something
aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the
rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride.
“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be
continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in
no-man’s-land, to experience each moment as completely new and
fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the
awakened point of view, that’s life.”
A while back I travelled down to London by rail to meet
up with a friend. When I left the train, I decided to
pay a visit to the ladies. On coming out of the cubicle,
I went over to wash my hands, and glanced casually up
into the mirror. I wasn’t there!! The washbasins and the
cubicles were reflected, but not gill!!!
I stood there for what seemed like an age but must have
been just a few moments. “Where am I?” “Well, I must have
really disappeared now, but I didn’t realise you became
Just then, I watched in the mirror as a lady emerged from
one of the cubicles. I turned around to look behind me, but
she wasn’t there! I looked back, and then it suddenly clicked.
There wasn’t actually a mirror. It was a washroom where each
side was a mirror image of the other, and the double row of
washbasins didn’t have a mirror above them, and the lady had
been in one of the opposite cubicles. hahaha. I still laugh
when I think about it.
For almost everyone who practices, cycles of awakening and
openness are followed by periods of fear and contraction.
Times of profound peace and newfound love are often over-
taken by periods of loss, by closing up, fear, or the discovery
of betrayal, only to be followed again by equanimity or joy. In
mysterious ways the heart reveals itself to be like a flower that
opens and closes. This is our nature. The only surprising thing is
how unexpected this truth can be. It is as if deep down we all
hope that some experience, some great realization, enough years
of dedicated practice, might finally lift us beyond the touch of
life, beyond the mundane struggles of the world. We cling to
some hope that in spiritual life we can rise above the wounds of
our human pain, never to have to suffer them again. We expect
some experience to last. But permanence is not true freedom,
not the sure heart’s release.
1. Body aches and pains, especially inthe neck, shoulder and back. This is the result of intense changes at your DNA level as the “Christ seed” awakens within. This too shall pass.
2. Feeling of deep inner sadness for no apparent reason. You are releasing your past (this lifetime and others) and this causes the feeling of sadness. This is similar to the experience of moving from a house where you lived in for many, many years into a new house. As much as you want to move into the new house, there is a sadness of leaving behind the memories, energy and experiences of the old house. This too shall pass.
3. Crying for no apparent reason. Similar to #2 above. It’s good and healthy to let the tears flow. It helps to release the old energy within. This too shall pass.
4. Sudden change in job or career. A very common symptom. As you change, things around you will change as well. Don’t worry about finding the “perfect” job or career right now. This too shall pass. You’re in transition and you may make several job changes before you settle into one that fits your passion.
5. Withdrawal from family relationships. You are connected to your biological family via old karma. When you get off the karmic cycle, the bonds of the old relationships are released. It will appear as though you are drifting away from your family and friends. This too shall pass. After a period of time, you may develop a new relationship with them if it is appropriate. However, the relationship will be based in the new energy without the karmic attachments.
6. Unusual sleep patterns. It’s likely that you’ll awaken many nights between 2:00 and 4:00 AM. There’s a lot of work going on within you, and it often causes you to wake up for a “breather.” Not to worry. If you can’t go back to sleep, get up and do something rather than lay in bed and worry about humanly things. This too shall pass.
7. Intense dreams. These might include war and battle dreams, chase dreams or monster dreams. You are literally releasing the old energy within, and these energies of the past are often symbolized as wars, running to escape and boogiemen. This too shall pass.
8. Physical disorientation. At times you’ll feel very ungrounded. You’ll be “spatially challenged” with the feeling like you can’t put two feet on the ground, or that you’re walking between two worlds. As your consciousness transitions into the new energy, you body sometimes lags behind. Spend more time in nature to help ground the new energy within. This too shall pass.
9. Increased “self talk.” You’ll find yourself talking to your Self more often. You’ll suddenly realize you’ve been chattering away with yourself for the past 30 minutes. There is a new level of communication taking place within your being, and you’re experiencing the tip of the iceberg with the self talk. The conversations will increase, and they will become more fluid, more coherent and more insightful. You’re not going crazy, you’re just Shaumbra moving into the new energy.
10.Feelings of loneliness, even when in the company of others. You may feel alone and removed from others. You may feel the desire to “flee” groups and crowds. As Shaumbra, you are walking a sacred and lonely path. As much as the feelings of loneliness cause you anxiety, it is difficult to relate to others at this time. The feelings of loneliness are also associated with the fact that your Guides have departed. They have been with you on all of your journeys in all of your lifetimes. It was time for them to back away so you could fill your space with your own divinity. This too shall pass. The void within will be filled with the love and energy of your own Christ consciousness.
11. Loss of passion. You may feel totally disimpassioned, with little or no desire to do anything. That’s OK, and it’s just part of the process. Take this time to “do no-thing.” Don’t fight yourself on this, because this too shall pass. It’s similar to rebooting a computer. You need to shut down for a brief period of time in order to load the sophisticated new software, or in this case, the new Christ-seed energy.
12. A deep longing to go Home. This is perhaps the most difficult and challenging of any of the conditions. You may experience a deep and overwhelming desire to leave the planet and return to Home. This is not a “suicidal” feeling. It is not based in anger or frustration. You don’t want to make a big deal of it or cause drama for yourself or other. There is a quiet part of you that wants to go Home. The root cause for this is quite simple. You have completed your karmic cycles. You have completed your contract for this lifetime. You are ready to begin a new lifetime while still in this physical body. During this transition process, you have an inner remembrance of what it is like to be on the other side. Are you ready to enlist for another tour of duty here on Earth? Are you ready to take on the challenges of moving into the New Energy? Yes, indeed you could go Home right now. But you’ve come this far, and after many, many lifetimes it would be a shame to leave before the end of the movie. Besides, Spirit needs you here to help others transition into the new energy. They will need a human guide, just like you, who has taken the journey from the old energy into the new. The path you’re walking right now provides the experiences to enable you to become a Teacher of the New Divine Human. As lonely and dark as your journey can be at times, remember that you are never alone.
Copyright 2001 by Geoffrey Hoppe, Golden, CO. Prepared in collaboration with Tobias of the Crimson Circle. Please distribute freely for non-commercial purposes.
Channeler for Tobias