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Compassion – difficult people

Gill Washington Buddhist Writings, Pema Chödrön, Spiritual Writers, Suffering , , , 0 Comment

From: a talk on The Practice of Compassion

By Pema Chödrön

Then you do it for the difficult ones. You think of the difficult person or people and you wish for them to be free of suffering and the root of suffering. Now, a very interesting thing often happens here. You can really get into wishing them to be free of suffering, because you think if they could be free … basically you want them to be the way you want them to be, you know (laughter). Could they be free of their lousy personality so that I could feel better? (Laughter) This you might call not quite compassion. It’s more like justifying your dislike of them by using a compassion practice.

And the other thing is, of course, being glad that they’re suffering (laughter). Hard to face, but true. When we really dislike people, maybe we’re well aware; or maybe we’ll get more in touch with it by doing this practice; but there’s a lot of rejoicing, almost, about their misfortune. Because basically they hurt you and you want them to suffer too. So you’re glad when you hear that things aren’t going well for them. And you feel pretty unhappy when you hear that everything is fine for them. Those kinds of feelings come up about people that we find difficult. So, rather than feeling bad about that just notice that that’s what happening. Have a sense of humor. Whatever it is, let the words go and notice the effect.

Sometimes with difficult people, I find it is also quite helpful to actually imagine different scenarios for them. I have actually cooked up some real genuine compassion for some of the very difficult people in my life by beginning to think of, for instance, something happening to one of their children or something that I know that, if that degree of misfortune happened to them, I wouldn’t be glad, that I would really feel compassion for them. So you can use your imagination here if it helps you to feel some kind of compassion for someone who your heart is shut to, a difficult person.

In other words, you find the person or people and you encourage this feeling by saying the words, “May they be free of suffering and the root of suffering.” And then you notice the effect. Then you expand the whole thing by moving onto the next stage. So we keep expanding it in this way, and just notice what happens.

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Fresh Start

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From: The Places That Scare You

By Pema Chödrön

Forgiveness is an essential ingredient of bodhichitta practice. It allows us to let go of the past and make a fresh start.

When a close friend of mine was dying, a Tibetan teacher told her to review her life with honesty and compassion. This process led her to some pretty dark places, corners of her mind where she was stuck in guilt and resentment. The teacher then instructed her in forgiveness, saying that the most important thing to do was to forgive herself. He suggested that she do a variation on tonglen. She should begin by visualizing herself and then intentionally bring up all her life’s regrets. The point was not to dwell in painful memories but to contact the feelings underlying the pain: guilt or shame, confusion or remorse. The feelings didn’t have to be named; she was to contact the stuckness in a nonverbal way.

The next step was to breathe these feelings into her heart, opening it as wide as she possibly could, and then to send herself forgiveness.fter that, she was to think of others feeling the same anguish and to breathe their pain and hers into her heart and to send everyone for- giveness. My friend found this to be a healing process. It allowed her to make amends with those she had hurt and those who had hurt her. She was able to let go of her shame and anger before she died.

A woman who came to Gampo Abbey for a tonglen retreat had suffered severe sexual abuse from her father. She strongly identified with caged birds; she told me that she often felt like a bird in a cage. During tonglen, she would breathe in the feeling of being small and caged; on the outbreath she would open the door and let all the birds out. One day as she was sending and taking in this way, she experienced one of the birds flying out and landing on a man’s shoulder. Then the man turned around and she saw it was her father. For the first time in her life she was able to forgive him.

Forgiveness, it seems, cannot be forced. When we are brave enough to open our hearts to ourselves, however, forgiveness will emerge.

There is a simple practice we can do to cultivate for- giveness. First we acknowledge what we feel-shame, revenge, embarrassment, remorse. Then we forgive ourselves for being human. Then, in the spirit of not wallowing in the pain, we let go and make a fresh start. We don’t have to carry the burden with us anymore. We can acknowledge, forgive, and start anew. If we practice this way, little by little we’ll learn to abide with the feeling of regret for having hurt ourselves and others. We will also learn self-forgiveness. Eventually, at our own speed, we’ll even find our capacity to forgive those who have done us harm. We will discover forgiveness as a natural expression of the open heart, an expression of our basic goodness. This potential is inherent in every moment. Each moment is an opportunity to make a fresh start.

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Awakening Our Compassion

Gill Washington Pema Chödrön, Spiritual Writers, Spirituality, Truth , , , 0 Comment

 From: The Places That Scare You

By Pema Chödrön

All beings have the capacity to feel tenderness – to experience heartbreak, pain, and uncertainty. Therefore the enlightened heart of bodhichitta is available to us all. The insight meditation teacher Jack Kornfield tells of witnessing this in Cambodia during the time of the Khmer Rouge. Fifty thousand people had become communists at gunpoint, threatened with death if they continued their Buddhist practices. In spite of the danger, a temple was established in the refugee camp, and twenty thousand people attended the opening ceremony. There were no lectures or prayers but simply continuous chanting of one of the central teachings of the Buddha:

Hatred never ceases by hatred But by love alone is healed. This is an ancient and eternal law.

Thousands of people chanted and wept, knowing that the truth in these words was even greater than their suffering.

Bodhichitta has this kind of power. It will inspire and support us in good times and bad. It is like discovering a wisdom and courage we do not even know we have. Just as alchemy changes any metal into gold, bodhichitta can, if we let it, transform any activity, word, or thought into a vehicle for awakening our compassion.

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Not The Idea At All

Gill Washington Karma, Pema Chödrön, Spiritual Writers, Spirituality , , , 0 Comment

 From: Start Where You Are

By Pema Chödrön

People get into a heavy duty sin and guilt trip, feeling that if things are going wrong, that means that they did something bad and they are being punished. That’s not the idea at all. The idea of karma is that you continually get the teachings that you need to open your heart. To the degree that you didn’t understand in the past how to stop protecting your soft spot, how to stop armoring your heart, you’re given this gift of teachings in the form of your life, to give you everything you need to open further.”

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Selected Poems from Rafael Stoneman

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If not for the poet

If not for the poet, who would be the voice of love?
If not for the artist, who would be the brush of sight?
If not for the mother, who would walk the earth?
If not for the Beloved, who would truly live?

 

Like ripened figs

Like ripened figs plucked for the mouths of babes,
or honey suckled by the working servant bee,
our innermost heart layer subsides when Self
shines as Sun in the sky of our mind’s eye.

 

With one tiny twist

With one tiny twist of an unknowable knob,
the inner color shifts from red to pink,
and a flower about to wilt, perks up in full vigor.
Enthusiasm, I call you friend!
Heart, I call you home!

 

I meet you in the void

I meet you in the void beyond time.
I shall remain here with you forever.
I have no life left to live, my Beloved.
Yet it feels so good to feel You living in me.
Do you feel that goodness Yourself,
since there is in truth no me?
I cannot touch this in words.
For I have no mind left to grasp.
I explode in the heart. I am Your I.

 

There is a whisper

There is a whisper, but it’s louder than the wind.
It calls to us, “Come Home. The story is over, the pages are worn thin. Come
home.” It’s like a chant,
a sacred OM underlying all else. It requires no doing anything, or going
anywhere or becoming anything.
If only we see that we are this whispering sound,
all else will dissolve into peace.

 

singing tears

The dam has been bursting all along,
singing tears of the mountain’s song.

The puppet breaks free from its strings,
the caterpillar soars with new wings.

Dreamers shall awaken beyond time,
in love with a human heart so divine.

The actor surrenders the final mask,
in Your light all life comes to bask.

A fruit suddenly drops from its tree,
such sweetness like honey is to be.

All poetry by Rafael Stoneman

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The Lake Isle of Innisfree

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By W. B. Yeats

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet’s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.

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My Heart Leaps Up When I Behold

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By William Wordsworth

My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is father of the Man;
I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.
1802.

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